Blood Problem Transcript
Toonville Episode 1: Blood Problem This is rated M for violence, gross parts and adult-related stuff Theme Song: TDI/A extended theme. (We see the Griffin's house. The screen pans to see the main characters of this series, Phineas, Peter, Bender, Owen and Brian all sit at the TV they are at.) Peter: (yawns) Boy, this is bogus and… (Falls asleep) Bender: (slaps Peter awake, Hard, so hard that Peter slaps Bender’s head off!) Phineas, Owen and Brian: WOOAH! Bender: Ow. (Spongebob bursts in) Spongebob: Hey! Guess what! Owen: You have cancer? (Bender’s body slaps Owen) Bender: You got aids? (Brian slaps his head) Phineas: You have a new job?! (Peter punches him hard) Ow! WHY?! Peter: Sorry. Spongebob: Mr. Krabs is opening a new Krusty Krab 2! Brian: (sarcastically) Oh, how fun. Spongebob: Come on! It’s down the street and take a left. (Everybody runs out. Roger runs in) Roger: Peter, can I…? (Walks away worried about the gang not there) (At the unfinished Krusty Krab 2 with workers building it) Krabs: (telling the worker to move the “2”) Ok, over there. Over… (The gang comes in) Spongebob: Hey, Mr. K! Krabs: Hello, Sponge-me-boy! How ya doing? Spongebob: We just wanted to watch the finishing touches on your new restaurant. Phineas: I think I should whiz. Krabs: (Grabs Phineas’ groin, hard) No whizing in public! (Lets Phineas’ groin go, blood drips from his right leg, Phineas holds his groin in pain) Krabs: The restaurant is almost finished. Phineas: (Groaning in pain) Yeah, I see that. Krabs: When it’s done, you can be my first customers! The gang: (Without Phineas) WHOO-HOO!!! (Phineas falls over fainted and pale) Peter: Is Phineas gonna be okay? (Inside the finished restaurant, The gang goes in. Peter holds the almost dead Phineas in his arms.) Peter: WOW! This is like one of those Great Lakes Crossing restaurants. (The gang see the sizzled-lip squid, Squidward, in blue and brown overalls and white shirt.) Squidward: (monotoned) Welcome to the Krusty Krab 2. May I take your orders? Peter: A Krabby Deluxe and coral strips. Owen: A Omega Patty! Bender: Got oil as a drink? Brian: Coral strips and Cole slaw. Squidward: What about the dead kid? Peter: (Sees Phineas dead and drops him) Oh, my god! We’re losing him! (Scrapes his shoes on the rugged floor. Soon, he becomes fused with electricity.) CLEAR! (Stomps on Phineas, reviving him.) Phineas: (Not pale) Thanks. (Whispers in Peter’s ear) Peter: Just a Krabby Patty. Squidward: OK. Spongebob, get to the grill and cook their order. Spongebob: OK, Squidy! (Later) Spongebob: Done! (Holds up 5 trays. 1 has oil in a cup, 1 has a giant patty, 1 has coral strips and cole slaw, 1 has a patty deluxe and coral strips and 1 has a simple patty.) Bender: (bows) Thanks! (Later, the gang are full at a table which is a mess) Peter: Ohhh, that’s good stuff. What can we do now? Brian: We almost had a death. So… (Shoots Phineas.) Peter: There we are. (Later, at the Drunken Clam… The minor characters: Homer, Stan Smith, Ferb, Roger, Chowder and Mung are at a table. They are holding beers.) Mung: OK, 1… 2… All: DRINK!! (They all drink.) Mung: Oh, that’s fascinating. Chowder: Maybe now we talk about Roger-is-gay jokes. Roger: Shut up! Chowder: You shut the hell up! (Chowder and Roger beat each other up with their beers) (A beer hits a open oil container and spills it. Someone throws a cigar on the oil, catching the table on fire.) All: Oh, my GOD!! Voice: Evacuate immediately. Evacuate immediately. Evacuate immediately. (Everyone evacuates immediately.) Joe: OMG! (Grabs a fire hose and doses the fire. The fire comes back) (Cut to Brian, Peter, Bender and Owen standing near a fence holding beers like in King of the Hill) Peter: Mm-Hmm. Bender: Yep. Owen: Yeah. Brian: Mmm. (They drink) Mung: (running around) FIRE!!!!!!!!!! Gang: Huh? (Sees the flaming Drunken Clam) Gang: OMG! (At the house. The 2 gangs sit at the table) Peter: Man, I can’t believe… (Brian’s phone rings) Brian: Hold on. Yes? Yep. Yeah. Yeah, you put the AVJacks in the plugin in the TV where they go. Still nothing? OK, I’ll have to go. Yeah, I love you, too, baby. Bye. (Hangs up) Peter: (Singing) Brian’s got a girlfriend. (Pause) Even though the Drunken Clam got burned down, What do we do? (Farts and chuckles) Brian: This is weirder than when the 1st death happened. (Cutaway to where Brian shoots Phineas) Peter: I’m gonna go watch (Has MM of Flapjack Genie’s voice) COCONUTS!!!!!! (Everyone else looks at Peter) Roger: Was that when K’nuckles’ head blew up? (Cut to “Mechanical Genie Island” from Flapjack where K’nuckles shrieks like a banshee) Flapjack: K’nuckles, NO! (K’nuckles shrieks like a loud banshee. Light comes from the background and K’nuckles blows up) (Pause. K’nuckles walks in) K’nuckles: I have AIDS. Peter: (Laughs very hard) (Cut to K’nuckles’ funeral with the others) That was from Robot Chicken™ in “Just the good parts” in Philadelphia where a man says that he has AIDS, and then a man laughs, and then the funeral with the laughing man. (Cut to Squidward’s house. Squidward walks to his mailbox, opens it and sees a brochure, He gasps) Squidward: A brochure to Clambake Hotel! I wanted to be there for 5 years! (Reading) Have fun at our cheapest price! WHOO! (Runs in the house, then out carrying bags) Let’s go! (Runs to the hotel, the brochure cover slips off, showing “Death Hotel”. Dramatic music plays) (Cut to the hotel, which is dark and scary) Squidward: This kinda doesn’t look like in the brochure. (Walks in) (The hotel’s inside looks really dramatic) Squidward: Oh, it looks scary, alright. (Walks to the kitchen. A bug hits Squidward) Hey! (Sees Ferb) Whoa! Hi, where did you come from? (Ferb holds up a brochure, which is identical to Squidward’s) Oh. (Fire pops out from a wall) Ferb: Whoa! Squidward: Maybe we should GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE! Ferb: Okay! (They run to the bathroom, there is a bomb there) Squidward: Son of a bi—(Blows up with Ferb. The door opens, revealing blood, guts, and body parts) (Cut to the Griffin house. Peter and Brian are sitting at the kitchen table. Spongebob walks in) Spongebob: I saw a hotel. Bad news: Ferb and Squidward are dead. Peter: Like in Cube©? Brian: Maybe. Spongebob: Also, Truffles and Glenn are dating. Peter: What? She can’t date Quagmire! Spongebob: She will and is. Peter: We should crash it! Where is the date? Spongebob: Fancy! is where it takes place. (Cut to Fancy! where the date is) Truffles and Glenn: (They laugh) Truffles: You look very cute, Glenn Quagmire: Oh, Truffle-cream, you beauty basket. Peter: (with French accent) Excuse moi, I do believe you are dating a friend of mine. Quagmire: Well, we are. (Peter looks at him) (Confessional) Peter: What a dick. (Confessional static. Quagmire is hung by rope on the neck) Peter: Look, we know you are—(Sees the hung Quagmire) Oh. Anyway, you can’t date him! Truffles: I can, I am, I have! Spongebob: Plan B? Peter (Outside of Fancy!) Bomb the place, Spongey. (Spongebob takes out a stick of dynamite and lights it and throws it at Fancy! which blows up.) (End) Category:Fan Fiction